In this blog, I talk about hypnotising your friends and family, why people might wish to do this, the pros and cons, how to get the best results, and also how to get hypnosis practice if you don’t have any friends and family who want to be hypnotised right now.
Why hypnotise friends and family?
From a beginner’s standpoint, friends and family may seem like the most readily available ‘test dummies’ for you to practice hypnosis on. And though that is often true, at least from an availability perspective, when it comes down to it, friends and family are not always the easiest people to hypnotise – at least whilst you’re a fledgling hypnotist or hypnotherapist! I’ll explain why that is in a moment.
In reality, the main reason most newbie hypnotists look to their friends and family to practice on, is quite simply; it’s easier to talk to someone that you are familiar with than someone you know less well, or even -gasp- a complete stranger! Also, you’re likely to feel more comfortable practicing hypnosis whilst you are in a familiar environment, such as your home, or that of a friend or relative.
If you initially aim to practice hypnosis with people who’re outside of your close social circle, that introduces more potential for discomfort. It might be that someone you approach does not want to be hypnotised. It might feel more nerve-wracking to perform hypnosis with an unfamiliar party. You might even think that your abilities are not well-practiced and ‘polished’ enough yet to use with the general public…
However, did you hear that old saying about growth only happening when we get out of our comfort zones? Well, that is true about getting hypnosis practice too. In fact, the more different people you can hypnotise, the quicker you will become a more confident hypnotist or hypnotherapist.
Practicing any skill is about putting in the time, and figuring out what to do when things don’t go quite to plan. If you constantly hypnotise one person, someone you know, over and over, then you’ll get very good at hypnotising that person. But what happens when you hypnotise someone new, and they respond in a different way?
Whether you choose to hypnotise friends and family, or strangers, remember; the more people you can practice with, the better! Also, as mentioned above, hypnotising friends and family can sometimes come with its own set of challenges…
You? A hypnotist? You must be joking…
With people that you know, whether friends or family, you will already have established a ‘relationship dynamic’ with them. A relationship dynamic is basically an awareness of how we are likely to interact, behave and communicate with each other. Dynamics will vary depending on the person you have a relationship with, whether a parent, sibling, cousin, best friend, acquaintance, work colleague or otherwise.
Each person that you have any relationship with, will have an opinion of you, and an expectation of what they think you are like. This also includes what they believe you are capable of doing or not doing, given the evidence they have at that point.
As someone who is learning hypnosis or hypnotherapy, friends and family can often (initially) find it challenging to think of you as a hypnotist/hypnotherapist. This is because, firstly, many people believe myths about hypnosis, such as; ‘you cannot learn it, because it is magical, like a God-given gift or a super power’. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it is because they may not have seen you do anything like this before. So, in their mind, there is no evidence to suggest that you can hypnotise anyone!
Logically, it’s not an unreasonable assumption, right?
This assumption that ‘you cannot be a hypnotist, because you’ve not been one up until this point’ is by far the most unhelpful aspect of hypnotising a friend or relative. It is something that needs to be dealt with fully before proceeding to hypnotise them.
Show them you’re the expert
If the person you are hypnotising thinks you haven’t hypnotised anyone before (or at least, hasn’t seen it for themselves), then how do you fix that?
As a hypnotist, it will benefit you to convey to others that you are able to successfully hypnotise people. This belief in you as a hypnotist is known as ‘prestige’, and it is important. It helps to be thought of as someone with this hypnotic credibility and authority. Having prestige shows your prospective subjects/clients that you can ‘walk the walk’ rather than just talking the talk.
For beginners, this is much easier to achieve with someone who doesn’t know you personally. With a friend or family member, you might have to show them tangible proof, or give them a thorough account of your past hypnotic successes to prove you can do this new thing. Because it is so drastically different to anything they’ve seen you do in the past, it goes against their perception of who they think you are and what you’re capable of. In contrast, with someone that doesn’t know you well (or at all), they are more likely to simply believe you are a hypnotist when you tell them that you are a hypnotist (or, when they see your hypnotist t-shirt)!
A great intermediary step to use with friends and family, for those people who do not have ‘social proof’ (i.e. evidence of you doing hypnosis with someone else), is the suggestibility test. Rather than going straight into the hypnotising process and hoping it works, instead, you can use a suggestibility test to give your subject an idea of what it is like to follow suggestion. This shows them that you have hypnotic suggestions skills (proof), as well as getting important feedback about how they respond to your suggestions. Then, if they respond well, you can move on to your hypnotic induction. If not, you have the ability to move forwards in a different way, depending on how you’d like to proceed with them.
Another factor is how confidently and competently you can talk with them about hypnosis. If you are able to inform them easily, and answer any questions they have whilst appearing confident, this will give your friends and family faith in your abilities, thereby enhancing the level of prestige that they hold for you and your hypnosis skills.
Setting expectations for greater success
As you may or may not have already learned, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. This means, as a hypnotist (or hypnotherapist), you are not causing the state of hypnosis to happen in the person you are hypnotising. What you are doing, is guiding someone into their own, self-generated state of hypnosis. This is a good piece of information to remember.
The reason it is especially helpful to explain the above point to friends and family, as well as dispelling common hypnosis myths before you hypnotise them, also relates to the existing relationship dynamic. Your relationship dynamic might ordinarily be one where the other person has a perception of authority over you, such as with a parent (or elder relative), an older sibling, or a more dominant friend, etc. They may, on the face of it, think a hypnotist must be obeyed, or that they must surrender their will to the person hypnotising them. Now, we know those things are absolutely untrue. However, for someone who doesn’t, and who is usually in a position of authority, this can be a tough pill to swallow – and often, they wont accept it, and may actively resist being hypnotised or following your suggestions.
So, it is important to clarify that hypnosis is a collaborative, cooperative process. That all hypnosis is self-hypnosis, and that you are guiding them into their own hypnotic state. They are the one driving the bus, you’re just suggesting which direction they head in!
A pinch of salt
With the above information in mind, I’d like to quickly point out that the challenges I’ve mentioned do not apply to every friend or family member in the world! Sometimes, you will find that it’s easy to hypnotise people you know without much setup, prestige or social proof. Often, this happens when you choose to hypnotise someone that you have a very good relationship with, and who will not try to resist or make fun of your efforts (as friends and siblings can sometimes be wont to do)!
That said, there’s no way of knowing this until you try. So, it is a good idea to ‘cover all bases’ before you get to hypnotising, to ensure the best chance of success.
What if it doesn’t work?
As I’m sure you’ve realised by now, you won’t try to hypnotise someone who isn’t interested in being hypnotised, or who would be likely to try and resist in order to make you look foolish (or to amuse themselves). If you do this, it’s highly likely that they won’t allow themselves to go into hypnosis, meaning; it won’t work. So, don’t waste your time.
If, on the other hand, you are hypnotising someone who is engaged, and you have managed their expectations (of hypnosis and your ability as a hypnotist), yet they still haven’t allowed themselves to be hypnotised, then there could be a number of different reasons for this. This is also true with non-friends and non-family members.
Rather than going into detail on the topic here, check out this blog instead, which is all about why someone might choose not go into hypnosis!
When hypnotising friends and family isn’t an option
Sometimes you may not have the option to hypnotise friends and family. It might be that there’s no one suitable, or that it would be inappropriate to hypnotise them. It could be that they just don’t want to, and aren’t interested. Whatever the reason, don’t fret. You definitely still have options!
The obvious answer is to go and hypnotise someone who isn’t a friend or relative. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean a complete stranger, although, that’s absolutely fine too. However, if that’s too big a step initially, why not put yourself out there to friends of friends, or friends of your family? These are people who don’t know you (or don’t know you well), but who are relatively easy to get in touch with, and who can be pre-primed by your friends/family.
Next, if you’ve done any hypnosis or hypnotherapy training, you could approach your fellow students, or past students if you have access to talk to them on a group/forum, and arrange a meetup in order to get practice. Meeting with like-minded individuals is a great low-pressure way to become confident with your hypnosis skills.
Similarly, you might choose to attend a short (one or two day) live hypnosis training course, with the specific intention of getting some hands-on practice. If you choose to do this, make sure to find a course that is very practical in nature, as some courses out there are mainly theory-focused. Knowing the theory is important, but in this case, practice opportunities are what you’re looking for.
As someone who strongly values hypnosis practice, I have structured my own training courses to be as practical as possible. As such, they’re a great choice for anyone looking to join a course in order to get practice doing hypnosis, and growing your confidence. You can check out my 1-day rapid hypnosis course, which is fantastic for people who want to practice hypnotising and using suggestibility tests. Or, for an experience that covers both of those things as well as practice giving hypnotic suggestions without scripts, and even hypnotising more than one person at a time (group hypnosis), then my 2-day stage & street hypnosis skills course is your best option!
Finally, before you do any of those things, remember, you can also practice hypnosis on yourself! There’s nothing stopping you from recording yourself delivering a hypnosis/hypnotherapy session, and playing it back to yourself. That way, not only do you get the practice of doing hypnosis, but you also get to experience what it feels like, as well as troubleshooting any areas for improvement in your delivery.
When I started my own hypnosis journey, I personally went through all of the above options, hypnotising myself, then practicing with some friends and family (with some successes and some challenges), before then moving on to get practice on some short courses, and then hypnotising ‘real people’. This progression took me a few months, and depending on your motivation level, it could take you even less time, assuming you commit to getting started right away.
So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to get hypnotising, don’t you think?
