Like you, I too am human, and as humans it can be very easy to fall into patterns of unhelpful habits that lead to unwanted or unpleasant results.
Perhaps you feel adrift in a stormy sea of negative emotions… Never quite sure what emotions a new day will bring?
Maybe you feel chained to your devices, your attention span shortening, almost mindlessly absorbing “content” that provides little-to-no real intellectual, emotional or spiritual sustenance?
Or maybe you’re just mindlessly drifting through your days on “autopilot”, just letting whatever happens happen, not invested in the result, or your own personal growth or wellbeing?
If any or all of those things fit with your recent experience, then you are not alone. You are not a bad person. And most importantly… These things can change. You (and only you) can change them.
So, if you actually want to make a change, and you are ready to put in a little effort to make that happen, here are a bunch of simple, effective strategies that you can start putting into place to make the first move towards that positive change.
Whether you do them all at once, or one at a time, the key is consistency. Keep at it. Even if you actively do just one of these things once a day, that’s a great place to start!
The power of being present and living in the now
A key tenet of mindfulness and meditative practice is ‘presence’. Interestingly, this is true within the world of hypnosis too! However, this blog isn’t about hypnosis or hypnotherapy (though there are crossovers, and I may draw some parallels along the way), it’s about helping you with strategies to feel better, and to be a better version of your current self.
Though ‘being present’ seems like a simple idea, in fact it can be a very challenging behaviour to learn… at least initially. To make presence your ‘default mode’, to turn being present into a natural habit, means learning to do it, step by step. And like any skill that we learn, that takes practice.
In reality, all you have to do to be present, is simply be. Exist, and become aware of yourself existing.
However, there are a multitude of things you have to not do in order to remain present, and thinking is one of the main culprits. But also engaging in mindless behaviours, dealing with distractions, coping with physical/health issues, medications and self-medication… the list goes on.
First and foremost though, is your intention. No, not your ‘hypnotic intention‘. Your intention to remain present. To live in the present. To simply be.
Now, you will not be able to maintain that intention 100% of the time. Nobody can. But if you make it a habit to intend to be present, this will definitely help. Just like when you wake up with the intention, “before I start my day, I must brush my teeth/drink a coffee/eat breakfast/etc.”, you can also develop a daily intention to be aware of your present-time experience.
Perhaps a morning ritual with an affirmation that, “today I will be present, and aware of myself in the now”, might be a good place to start. Or a regular reminder/alarm throughout the day, to take a moment to cultivate your habit of being present. Even just a minute or two, a few times a day, will create the building blocks to help you move forwards towards living in this present moment more often.
Another way to help develop this presence is reading about it in more detail. If you like to read (or listen to audiobooks). I recommend “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. This book personally helped me to become more present in my day-to-day life, and is a helpful (if slightly repetitive) resource to help the un-present get present! (…and hey, if you’re a hypnotist, you already know the positive power of repetition!)
Become aware of your thoughts and take control of them
Thoughts happen all the time. Even whilst you’re reading this, you’re likely thinking other stuff; how this info relates to you, how you feel about it, whether you think you could do what I’m suggesting, or what might stand in the way, whether you have past experiences that correlate or disagree with what you are reading, and so on…
Thinking is not inherently a bad thing. However, getting caught up in your thoughts can be. Especially if those thoughts are negative. But even more importantly, from a “being present” perspective, any thoughts of the past and the future take you away from your current experience. They stop you from being present and appreciating what is happening right here, right now.
Your imagination is either regressing back to past events, or it’s future pacing potential scenarios (whether likely or unrealistic). Again, these things are not necessarily bad. Thinking ahead helps us to plan ahead. Thinking back helps us to remember past mistakes or successes and learn from them.
The problem arises when we get stuck in our thoughts, when those thoughts loop over and over, or when we create a chain of negative events in our imagination… “What if this bad thing happens at my job, which will then make this second bad thing happen, and then I’ll feel this negative emotion, which will then cause a problem in my relationship with my partner, which will then mean additional stress, and then my life as a whole will get worse… etc. etc. etc.”
The trick here relates back to tip #1. Remember to be present. If you live here, in the present, then you will naturally begin to realise that your thoughts are not your current experience.
They are not real.
Did you get that? Did you really understand what I just said?
Your thoughts are not real.
Let that sit with you for a while…
You can choose to engage with thoughts, just as you can choose to disengage from them. The more often you choose to recognise that a thought is something you have the choice to engage with or not, the more control you will have over this engagement. Because of this, you will become less entangled in those thoughts. You can recognise them for any value that they might have, and if the mind tries to lead you down a path of ‘overthinking’, you can actively choose to disengage. Your mind can float free of the thought, and back to the present, where usually, it’s a much nicer place to be.
So, get into the habit of becoming aware of the fact that you are thinking. It sounds very spiritual, ‘zen’, or maybe even ‘woo woo’ if you like… but “become the observer”. You are having a thought. You are not the thought. The thought may not even be true. It isn’t even real, because it is just a thought. You are simply noticing it, and choosing to observe it …or not.
If you find yourself thinking something that is looping, building, spiraling or becoming more intrusive, tell yourself: “I notice that I am having the thought that… XYZ”. This is a helpful dissociative language pattern, that allows you to disconnect from a thought, reminding yourself: you are not your thoughts!
Harness your emotions so they don’t run away with you
Like thoughts, emotions are transient, and can become more intense when focused on. And the recurring theme you might be noticing here is, the less present you are, the more you engage with unhelpful thoughts, the more likely you are to create and maintain unhelpful emotions.
By putting the first two points above into practice, you will naturally become more attuned to your internal emotional state. That doesn’t mean you will become an emotionless robot. No, you will gain presence, meaning you will have the mental space to observe what is going on inside you, and decide whether you’d like to continue responding that way or not.
Some people find it helpful to “name” their emotions. So, rather than just ‘feeling like shit’, what is it that you actually feel? Is it anxiety, stress, depression, nervousness, grief, or any other number of emotions? By naming an emotion, you begin to rationalise it, and thus become more logical in your thinking about that feeling. Logical thinking uses different areas of your brain than emotions use, which then allows for easier processing. This is because thinking logically about an emotion creates a psychological distance from the emotion, meaning it is easier to change, and leads to greater emotional stability.
The power of breathing
As well as being a fantastic ‘focal point’ to help ground you in the present, breathing can be a powerful tool to change both your physical and psychological state. No, not just ‘normal breathing’. You have to breathe in a certain way to get the real benefits.
When inhaling, your body naturally experiences the ‘sympathetic nervous system response’ (also known as fight or flight mode). This is why, when something shocking happens, we gasp, inhaling breath. It causes our body to be ready for action.
In contrast, when exhaling, the ‘parasympathetic response’ is activated. This is the one we want to trigger more, as it is our relaxation or ‘rest and digest’ response. It is what tells the body and mind to be calm after episodes of stress.
To put this in to practice? Well, if you simply extend your exhale, so that it is at least 1.5x the length of your inhale, then you will naturally relax. Don’t believe me? Try it now. Take a quick breath in through the nose, and release it slowly through the mouth. Do this 3 or 4 times, and you will feel more relaxed.
Pretty neat right?
That’s why we use breathing within hypnosis, as it is a really quick, easy and reliable way to help anyone relax almost instantly.
Remember to use this breathing strategy when you’re feeling stressed (or any other unhelpful emotion). Each time you do, you begin building a habit, and a resource that will support you moving forwards. This mindful breathing will also help you to become more aware of yourself here in the present, and as you already know, that’s going to help you.
Oh, and talking of breathing, if you want to go even deeper into how the breath can change our states and increase wellbeing, check out the ‘Wim Hof’ method:
Maybe it’s time for a digital detox
We are constantly bombarded with media and content. It’s pretty much everywhere. However, the worst culprit is often right there in your hand, or on the screen in front of you.
There are countless blogs and videos online about how to “digital detox” that you could go and find. But when you sit and think about it, do you really need them? Do you need to absorb content about how to stop absorbing content… or do you just need to give yourself a fucking break?
To not mindlessly scroll away your life, having potentially done it for so long, can take a lot of willpower. You’re reconditioning yourself, after all! But the first step starts with awareness that you want to change. Then, acting on it. Putting it into action, bit by bit. And just like the habit of developing your intention to be present, or to notice and manage your thoughts, you can also develop the habit of reducing your time online or on devices.
Perhaps start by putting off your digital activities for 15 minutes, and doing something different instead during that time. Whether simply meditating, breathing, going for a walk or exercising, reading a book, gardening, talking with someone, fussing your pets… whatever it is, you will likely find that it brings more value or even joy into your life than 15 minutes of absorbing online content would!
Then, once you’ve proven to yourself that you can hold off for a little while, you can simply build from there.
New habit formation takes repetition, to move a behaviour from a conscious activity through to a subconscious response. It takes intention. It takes discipline. And interestingly, when cultivating discipline in one area of your life, we often find that it can naturally spread to other areas, helping us improve, develop and succeed in all areas of our life experience.
If you’re not moving, you might feel stuck…
Movement is key to overall wellbeing. Now, before you panic, no that doesn’t necessarily mean squeezing into a lycra onesie, paying for a gym membership and guzzling protein shakes all day! Movement comes in many forms.
As with any of these positive habits, you need to work movement into your life in a way that is realistic and achievable for you.
If you are very inactive/sedentary, then start small. Standing for a while where you might ordinarily sit. Going for a short walk each morning/evening. Cleaning the house/car. Even just walking up and down the stairs a couple of times, or standing up from the sofa and sitting back down again a few times can be a good starting point!
I remember a few years ago, that I was sitting a lot. I went from lying in bed, to sitting at my computer, to sitting on the sofa to watch some TV, and then back to bed. So, upon starting to feel the unpleasant effects of not getting enough movement (both low mood, and bad posture/back issues), I bought myself a ‘standing desk’. So now, rather than sitting and working, I stand. I’m standing here right now typing this. Every little bit of movement helps.
The point is, physical activity enhances our mental wellbeing. That is 100% categorically a fact. This means, if you’re not active enough, your mental wellbeing is going to take a hit. So move; walk the dog, run if you like, cycle, swim, dance, do bodyweight calisthenics, take a weekly yoga class, do some chores that require movement, act an energetic fool… just build a little movement in to your day. Your mind will appreciate your bodies hard work!
Be grateful for what you have and be kind to yourself
Finally, a little kindness and gratitude can go a long way towards helping your overall health and wellbeing. There are many people out there who are struggling a lot more than we are. And although comparisons are not always helpful, sometimes they can be.
Rather than comparing your life to those who seemingly have it better than you, instead, think about those who have it worse. People all over the world right now are experiencing; constant physical agony from incurable conditions/injuries, ongoing physical and emotional violence/torture, severe mental health issues, hunger and starvation, disease, war, and all manner of things that many of us will (hopefully) never have to experience.
When it comes down to it, you are here, living in your present moment. Your biggest problem right now is figuring out how to be more present, how notice your thoughts, how to be more active and cut down on your screen time… Well, when you think about it like that, we’ve got it pretty damn good, haven’t we?
So do actively take some time to be thankful, to be present, and to be kind to yourself and others.
You’ll be a better person because of it. And I want that for you.
Much love.
